I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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