just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
