I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
pray to the hookup gods
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
