I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
