Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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