four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I pour the whiskey from now on
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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