You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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