every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
