Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
