you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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