I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
