It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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