2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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