He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
