Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
