her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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