He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
