after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
