im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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