If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
