I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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