So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
