I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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