I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
