Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
too bad you live with your parents still
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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