Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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