mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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