the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
