in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
