you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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