I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize