He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Send help, water and tortillas.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
