If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
