I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.