dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you