I wanna passion pit in your ass
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.