I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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