saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
