i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
