Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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