Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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