he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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