They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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