I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
