i wish starbucks made bloody marys
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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