I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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