the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
