piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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