I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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