Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
