Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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