I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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