the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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