WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
