i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
