I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
