my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
