So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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