the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
