You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
