Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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