i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
