i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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