i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
