How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
