chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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