Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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