I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
