life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
