george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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