He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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