it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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