My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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