I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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