i jhust puked up my retainher.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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