just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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