I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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